I'm no expert on the love topic, but I love researching things and finding out how things work. So of course when I wanted to know all about love, I came across the 5 love languages.
Yes! There's five of them and we all have a primary and secondary one. So what are they?
1. Acts of service - Actions speaks louder than words.
2. Receiving gifts - It does not mean that this person is materialistic. They love thoughtful gifts that they can treasure.
3. Words of affirmation - Being complimented, hearing words like "I miss you" and being praised for something they did.
4. Physical touch - Giving hugs etc.
5. Quality time - Making time for someone and giving them your undivided attention.
Your love language is how you show love and how you expect others to show you love, even if you're not aware of it. Most are not. Just by looking at that list I knew acts of service was my primary and words of affirmation was my secondary love language. I took the love language test a year ago and it was confirmed. I always felt awkward when people gave me gifts, hugged me or if they were always in my space. I love doing things for the people in my life and complimenting them.
So to my surprise, something changed. I took the test again yesterday, after a year has passed or maybe longer. Then the results showed that quality time was my primary love language and I scored equal on words of affirmation and acts of service.
So I just stared at the results and thought no way. Introvert over here! Then I looked back at the past year and realised it's actually true. Since I gave up my job I've had more time for the people in my life. Before, long conversations and spending time with my family was a no no. I was always working, tired and in a permanent bad mood.
I've grown a lot closer to my family and I actually love spending quality time with them. So I think these love language can shift, depending on the changes you go through in your life. For example a new mom will suddenly have an acts of service primary love language because she is overwhelmed.
People speak different love languages so there can sometimes be a huge communication gap. I know who the gift givers and the huggers are in my life and because it's awkward for me, I don't hug them randomly or give them stuff. So they're probably thinking I don't care about them as much. My compliments and doing things for them are seen as just random things I do. Oh and not forgetting the quality time thing, that I'm still trying to process...
It can be really difficult to speak someone else's love language, if it's something different to your own. Imagine how that conversation will go down with a family member if I tell them doing things for me and complimenting me is my love languages. They will think I drank crazy juice. It's my thing and not theirs. So it's hard for someone to grasp and to suddenly fall in line and speak your language.
In romantic relationships it might be easier to let your significant other know this is how they should show you love and you need to know how to love them. It's easier because there's more at stake and romantic love forms a bond that's like a drug and we'll do anything to keep it, so we'll fall in line.
You can even guess what someone in your life's love language is, by looking at what they do the most, what they complain that you don't do enough of or what they keep requesting you to do.
It will sound like, "You never buy me anything nice", or "Why don't you ever help me around the house" or "You're always working". Yes! They're crying out loud for you to show them love and it just sounds like they are complaining.
If you can't tell what your primary love language is just by looking at the list above, then you can take the test at the Love language quiz website. Gary Chapman wrote the book. Yep! There's a book or books. Here's the book link.
Remember just because someone prefers one language over the others does not mean you don't have to show love with the other four. It just means the primary one will be used a lot more than the others.
So I hope you will apply these love languages to your relationships. I'm definitely going to try my best even if it's a bit awkward for me. It seems like common knowledge, but it's tricky because we all prefer different things. Remember this applies to all your relationships. That includes relationships with your children, other family members, friends and your significant other. It will make your relationships with the people in your life stronger. You'll feel much closer to them and understand each other better.
The bonds with the people in our lives are important. We should not take them for granted. No man is an island. We need others to help us through this life. It is also important that you know how you are meant to be loved, some of us don't even know. We love and we give and give and we wonder why they don't love us back, but they just show it in their own way. So keep your eyes and ears open.
Until next time,
Other Renza posts:
That crazy feeling called love
Letting go and moving on
Practicing mindfulness and meditation
Pic credit: Pixabay pics Renza edited.
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