Healing your Inner child

 Healing your inner child

Recently I've noticed a lot of bloggers writing these awesome letters to their younger selves. No this is not one of those. I already did something similar in my getting older post. The idea made me think about something called inner child work. I tried this a year ago.

Our younger selves are still a part of us. We might have grown up and gotten older, but that does not mean that our other versions are gone. The experiences we go through in our lives and what our younger selves felt became part of us. It helps us to learn and be better next time. But sometimes we get stuck. Our younger selves maybe had some sad moments and as we got older we held on to tight and never moved on.

Inner child work is basically you going back and comforting that child(you) if they're sad and letting them know everything will be okay. A clue to know if your inner child is unhappy, is if current you are dealing with some emotional issues. You can do this as a meditation.

You find a quiet place. Make sure there's no distractions. Focus on your breathing. Imagine a beautiful garden or any peaceful place. In this place there's a child. That child is you. Introduce yourself to the child. Let them know who you are. Remember that's a younger you that still exists. So the child or you will talk back.

Yes you're going to talk to yourself. It's not crazy. It's actually insightful. Especially if you have no idea who you really are. Some people hide who they are. Even from themselves. I had no idea I had abandonment issues. Not a clue!

I thought not having my parents around was normal. Getting raised by grandparents that had to raise my cousins at the same time and me fading into the background was normal. I was picked on everyday by my cousins because I looked and acted weird. Add the fact that I'm an introvert and that makes a really crappy childhood. It affected every relationship I ever had and every decision I made in my life and I had no idea, until I actually started to look at why I was so unhappy.

I thought I grew up and that's my past, but it affected every aspect of my life. Everything! I found it hard to trust people, I was scared of everything and I felt lonely most of my life. The things that happen in our childhood lays the foundation for the rest of our lives.

Parents need to be aware of this. Don't think your child will just get over something. It stays with them. It stayed with all of us. Make sure your child knows you love them and that you are there for them. In words and actions. Unfortunately you can't protect your child from everything. They have their own path.

No matter how hard this life is, if you know there's someone that has your back then you can face anything. If someone had my back when I was a child, then maybe I would have been a normal functional adult. Instead I have to now patch myself up. Piece by piece...

I'm not upset with my parents. That's water under the bridge. I understand why they couldn't be a big part of my life. My mom and I have grown closer now that I've made more time for my family. My dad is somewhere on the planet. He reached out a few years ago but I felt no connection to him. So he's not in my life. It was my choice. You can't miss something you never had. Anyway...

Mini Renza
Mini Renza
So there I was having a conversation with mini Renza and I told her about everything we've accomplished. That she should be strong and everything is not as bad as it seems. We might be misfits but we will eventually learn to embrace that part of ourselves and it's ok to be different. People will leave us and that will become the theme of our life, but that's their loss and it's nothing we did.

I told her she will always have me. I will never abandon her. We cried together. We laughed. We hugged. She felt much better and I watched as her sadness faded. That rippled into older me feeling better too about my past.

I wasn't completely healed at that time. This is not an easy fix. But I felt lighter. I felt hopeful. Like a floodgate opened. Something shifted and I knew I had more control over my reality than I thought.

You can go back as many times as you want. Hopefully your current version is wiser and will impart some valuable knowledge. While busy working on this post, I thought why not try to go back.

I stopped doing this exercise, because I thought there was no need to. Luckily I was reminded of it while reading the blogger's letters to their younger selves. I then went back and had a conversation with my inner child again. She had our two dogs with her and a smaller version of my best friend. She was happy.

She was concerned about loosing everything. I didn't push the subject because I saw she wanted to retrieve and put up a wall. It's normal to feel that way when you're happy after being sad for a long time. I just reminded her to enjoy this moment and not worry about the future.

She then showed me how much my puppy actually loves me and that I was not just a chew toy. That conversation improved my relationship with my new dog as well. I was surprised that she could actually see that, when I couldn't. She asked why I don't come around anymore. I told her I'm always here. We are one. She understood.

I find that when doing these exercises you have to be clear. It's like there's a disconnect between current you and your inner child. You should not assume they know everything about what's going on in your life and also vice versa. Your mind might be hiding things from you.

Healing your inner child teddy
All patched up and ready for anything!
Remember to be kind and empathetic to your inner child. Especially if they are afraid and don't trust easily. There's a lot of guided meditations on inner child work on YouTube I've seen. Like with all self-help techniques, I advise you to do your own research on the subject.

Some people can only face themselves when they're ready. Your inner child represents your past. It's a way to tap into the subconscious. A way to find self acceptance for who you are. A lot of people find it hard to love and accept themselves. You're going to have you for the rest of your life. It's important to love yourself and find your happiness.

This is my own experience. It is just one of many things I've tried to help heal myself emotionally. I was ready to face my past and deal with it.  I knew that was the only way I'll get closer to being happy.

Until next time
Goodbye :-)

Healing your inner child quote

Want to read more Renza posts? Here's some links!
Practicing mindfulness and meditation
10 reasons why getting older is not so bad

Pic credit: Renza's pics. Pixabay pics Renza edited.

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15 comments:

  1. No truer words than these: "The things that happen in our childhood lays the foundation for the rest of our lives."
    Cute picture of baby Renza!

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  2. What a moving post, Renza. You were an adorable baby. I have to say this one affected me pretty deeply. It was very well written and made me think deeply. Without getting into too much detail suffice it to say I have been sad for quite some time but being allowed the freedom to write and live in my own head has done wonders. I keep feeling the need to apologize to my 17 year old self for things not working out quite the way that she had planned. I guess you could say I feel as if I have let her down. You have a beautiful soul and the world can see that through your posts. I am glad to have met you in the blogosphere. Thank you for this wonderful work.

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    1. Thank you so much Susan. I got all teary eyed when reading your comment. This was hard to write but I felt a need to share this. Our past is gone and we can't do anything about it, but we can make peace with the things that happened in our past. Those experiences shaped us. I learned to be independent and strong because of my past. I look at it now as lessons life taught me. In order to be strong you must be forced to find your strength. No need to apologize to your younger self Susan. I'm sure she did what she could with what was available to her. Sometimes our younger selves aren't capable enough and we need to do some more growing. Only way to grow is through our experiences even if they're good or bad.

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    2. You are right, Renza. We just have to make peace with our past. That is why I am in therapy. It is always a work in progress. Thanks for listening.

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    3. I echo you Susan. This post moved me too.

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  3. Hey, that was really good. It helps to understand who you are and more important why you are who you are.

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    1. Yes Tim correct. I never knew what drove me and made me a certain way until I dived into the subconscious. Weird yes. But I have my answers now and that's how I know what to work on.Just shining a light on the issue helps with the healing process.

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  4. Wonderful post Renza. Our past makes us, true! With all that what happened, it's a good thing that you have come out of it all and found your peace to move forward. My good wishes to you always dear friend.

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    1. Thank you Saroja. It was not my intention to make people sad, I wanted people to know that past wounds can be healed. Like with all my stories I write about my personal experiences so that people can relate. So many think they have no control over their lives. That's not true. I've found my peace yes. My hope is that others can too.

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  5. I love this post it's so true. We are made up of many 'selves', the inner child is the foundation and has the unenviable task of holding the rest up. I find myself sometimes thinking of young adult me and thirty year old me, both troubled souls who I wish I could comfort. I'll have to try your method as see if I can speak to them.

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    1. Thank you Captain! I'm glad you loved this post. Give it a try yes. No point of holding on to the what if's and the sadness. That's too much baggage to carry.

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  7. Very insightful. I have done some 'inner child' work and didn't feel I was getting anywhere. But I feel like that may not be a bad avenue to explore again here lately. thank you for this and all you do. you are a magnificent child of God as all of us are and if you had tribulations as a child, then that just means you are meant for great things.

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    1. Thanks for commenting Brent and for your kind words. I think inner child work is just to checkup on what's going on inside. Then the real work starts. I've used it a few times only too. It comes in handy when I find myself reacting to situations and have no clue why. All our issues started at childhood. The more I work on myself, the more I see that as true.

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