Life and Dog Stuff: personal-growth

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30 Ways to Relax and De-Stress Your Life

Stress is something that we all have to deal with on a daily basis. I know first hand of how destructive it can be if left unchecked.

If you are looking for ways to relax and de-stress your life then read further.

Stress can lead to illness and other mental disorders. Because it affected my well being I decided to learn more about how to handle it.

I've always been fascinated with how the mind works. Being an introvert, my mind was always really loud and chaotic and I hated all the lies it was telling me.

Yes! Our minds are liars.

If you want to know how to clear your mind with meditation then read on.

So much can be accomplished without the clutter. I had to learn how to sort through the garbage and lies in my head.

Today I'm sharing 10 healthy living tips to feel better.

Living a healthy life can seem like a lot of work. You have to watch what you eat, exercise, manage your stress levels and loads of other stuff.

It's not easy. Especially if you live a busy hectic life. Where's the time anyway?

I also thought I don't have time for this. Then I got really sick and was forced to look at why.

Those who follow my blog should all know my sweet Buffy or Buff-buff as I like to call him.

He's also my doeboe, my sweetie-pie, and some other names lol. Today I wanted to share the story of how he taught me to never give up.

Out With The Old, In With The New

I thought today I'll reshare an old new year's post I wrote two years ago. It's one of my favorites.

Time flies! So much has changed but the message stays the same. Enjoy!

This year is almost over. I noticed around the web that people really hated this year and it will go down in history as the worst year ever.

Was it really all that bad?

Everything in this life has a balance. Yin Yang. There can't just be bad all the time, there has to be good too.

Looking back...

This was the year I finally started my blog after waiting two years.

I got more comfortable driving my car that I waited 9 years to get because I was too scared to get my license.

I finally stepped on an airplane for the very first time. My ears still hurt sometimes, but I know now what it's like to fly above the clouds.

I now have another dog after waiting more than a year. It had to be another Buffy type dog. So I waited and waited. I was surprised when I finally got her because I thought I had to wait until next year.

This year Buffy and I started to communicate better because I learned all about dogs and how to train them.

I'm a naturally nervous person and scared of a lot of things. I suffered from anxiety most of my life. So most things I listed were big milestones for me.

Remembering happy moments and frustrations

Yes, it has been frustrating at times to raise a new dog, but there were happy moments in between. Like the first time, my puppy ate normal dog food after not wanting to eat or drink anything.

The first time I realized my two dogs actually like each other after it seemed that Fluffy was just annoying Buffy.

The first time she fell asleep on my lap and also realizing that I have a very smart new dog.

I also discovered I have some anger issues that I need to deal with asap lol. I didn't know I could scream that loud.

It's also frustrating that there are different opinions about how to raise a dog in my house. Other than that I love that my dogs always want to be around me.

They come when I call. They listen for the most part. My bestie pointed out that I'm a pack leader now. I like the sound of that.

Never forget the happy moments

I never want to forget the happy moments. Those are the ones we look back on that make us laugh and smile.

What happy moments do you remember from this year? Your achievements. The things that made you laugh and smile. However big or small they are don't let the bad overshadow the good.

New years resolutions

Most people already made their new years resolutions by now. We all know by middle January when life gets in the way those resolutions will be a distant memory.

I decided not to make any resolutions. What's the point? I've always been a, whatever happens, happens type of person. If you ever stuck to a new year's resolution, good for you.

Changing habits is a process. It takes time. Like a set of steps that you have to climb. A new year shouldn't be a reason to rush to the top.

Start with something small and achievable. Maybe, just maybe it will snowball and before you know it you've reached your goal.

Try new things

The main thing is to just start. Or try. People change, goals change. Last year this time I never would have imagined writing a blog or interacting on social media. That was not me.

I hate attention and I never wanted everyone to know what's going on in my head. But there was something inside me that wanted to share my stories. A part of me that thought someone might benefit from them.

I'm not even sure if anyone has. I was brave enough to try. All we can do is try. It's better than doing nothing. So I tried something and I loved it.

There's a lot of things to try doing in this life. Maybe make a list of things you want to try. Even if it's only once. If you don't like it, move on to the next thing.

That's the only way you will find out what you like. There's no committing, no promises, no high expectations. There are many different ways to do something, find out what works best for you.

Final words

So before I go waayyyy off topic. I hope you can look back and find the moments that made you happy.

I wish the new year will be full of new opportunities for you to explore and may there be an abundance of happy moments.

Nothing will ever stay the same. Life changes constantly. All we can do is hold on to the good memories and try to let the bad ones go.

Until next time,
Goodbye.

PS: If you love my writing and want to show your support, just buy me a coffee paypal.me/lifeanddogstuff. Thank you! :-)

Never miss a blog post by Joining the fluffy pack for updates. Please share if you think your friends will enjoy reading my Out with the old, in with the new post. Thank you!

Today I've decided to make a list of the best motivational and inspirational life quotes about life.

I hope you'll find some inspiration and motivation from these. They have definitely made me think more about my life and what's next. Enjoy!

Motivational and Inspirational Quotes about Life

1. “I don’t regret the things I’ve done, I regret the things I didn’t do when I had the chance.” – Unknown

How to Have Better Conversation Skills and Improve Communication

Communication is important if we want to be successful in life. Most of my life I struggled to communicate and it was frustrating.

I couldn't understand why my words refused to flow. I had all these thoughts inside my head and they just stayed there. Luckily I got better at it.

If you want to know how to have better conversation skills and improve communication with others then read on.

I thought sharing my experience might help others that are struggling to communicate with people online and in real life.

Social media was something new to me too. I had to learn how to navigate that world after I started my blog.

Anyway, let's jump in!

Learning how to improve communication skills

I was never good at communicating. I was always very shy. Plus I'm an introvert. That combination meant I had no social skills at all.

I always froze up when someone tried to talk to me and gave one-word answers. Loads of time was spent trying to crawl into the nearest hole. Lol!

I got a little better at it as I grew older and when I started making friends, but it was one of those skills I had a hard time cracking. Especially when talking to random people.

When I started working, all my jobs involved communicating with people. I worked in IT. They tell me what's wrong and I guide them to fix the problem. So there was a lot of talking and intuition involved.

I say intuition because people omit information that makes you the listener not understand what they need or want.

I got good at reading between the lines and asking the type of questions that helped me understand better and to make the person tell me things they forgot to mention.

I also had to know what type of person I'm dealing with in the first 15 seconds and adjust to their level. You either mimic them or if they are upset you stay calm, empathize with them and try to bring them down to your level.

Note that I hated this job, but it taught me a lot about different types of people and communicating with them.

Everything we see as different about someone is just the labels we mentally assigned to them.

Remove their titles, what they have or don't have, their personality traits or whatever makes them different from me, then they are just human.

Let's look at some ways I learned how to communicate better with others and hopefully, it will help you too.

12 Tips for improving communication skills

1. Mimicking/mirroring people

Mimicking/mirroring can be copying someone's body language, using the same tone of voice as them and also repeating words back that they use.

If someone says "hello", don't say "hi". Say "hello" back. Matching their words are important. It makes them feel you're on the same level. It works for many other words too.

You just need to listen to the type of language they use, what they do with their hands and feet and if their voice tone is slow, fast, upbeat, etc. Don't be a parrot and weird them out. Be subtle.

These things normally come naturally to us, but for someone like me with zero social skills, it was something I had to become aware of by studying people that are good at communicating.

Know that mimicking someone does not mean have no opinion of your own and just repeating what the other person is saying and agreeing with them. Always be yourself.

2. Give Compliments

People like when you notice they put effort into something. In real life when I see someone that I know, I always compliment them. I was not even aware that I was doing it until I researched The 5 love languages.

It's something natural I do because I love when people notice when I put effort into something. You can compliment someone on how they look, if they created something awesome, for doing a great job etc.

I don't care too much about being complimented on how I look. I'm more of a compliment me for this tasty meal I just prepared for you or "look I created this, do you like it?" type.

It makes me feel good that my hours of effort gets noticed. I'm only human after all.

Same applies when on social media. If you see someone put effort into something, let them know you noticed. Zone into the thing you loved the most and compliment them on it. It's all about them.

You can also let them know if you relate to it. That will make them feel more connected to you, but it should always be about them first.

3. Ask Questions

Asking questions to improve communication and keep a conversation flowing is important. I'm a naturally curious person so I used my curious nature to fuel conversations.

Before the questions were just stuck in my head and it was hard to voice them. It has become easier.

It's a known fact that humans love to talk about themselves. Asking people questions about themselves helps to fill the silent awkwardness.

I hate when people ask me what I do for a living or things about relationships. But then again I'm very open on my blog. In real life, if someone asked me that, I'd still hate it.

Some people can be judgy and I really don't want to explain myself. I should just tell them it's a long story. Read my blog. End of conversation.

That's why it's important to use your intuition when asking questions. If someone gives you a gap so that you can ask a personal question, then go ahead.

That means they will bring it up first. Also, offer something personal about yourself so that you can seem more human or relatable.

There are closed-ended and open-ended questions. Things that require only yes/no answers and then things that require longer answers with an opportunity to expand the conversation.

Don't use too many questions that can only be answered by yes and no unless you're in a hurry or love awkward silences.

Make sure you're not the one always controlling the conversation. When you ask open-ended questions you give the other person a chance to open up.

Example, "What did you think about (fill in the blank)?" or "Tell me about your day?".

There will be plenty of opportunities to expand on the conversation for both of you. If you lean more towards closed questions it sounds like an interview or an interrogation.

Using open statements like "I've been so tired from work lately" or "I'm so clumsy, I tripped over my own feet earlier" makes you seem more human.

It will also prompt the other person to ask "What do you do for a living?" or "What did you trip over and did you get hurt?".

Do you see what just happened there? You turn them into the one asking a question by stating something that piques their curiosity. You create conversation flow.

They will empathize with you because it's a common thing that people are tired from working and everyone has probably tripped.

Plus tripping is kinda funny. I often use my clumsy nature and my silliness when talking to people.

I tripped just the other day and Fluff and Buff were all over me with licks and while I was still laying down, Fluffy started chewing my arm. Yep, my dog wants to eat me when I'm vulnerable.

She'll probably tell you she was trying to help me up. No, it was definitely an open buffet for her. I was totally freaked out and Buffy just watched as I'm being eaten alive. Moving on...

Watch out for open statements like that when you're talking to someone. Use it as an opportunity to ask questions.

Maybe let them know if something similar happened to you. It builds a connection when you're relating to similar situations.

Turning the question around also helps with conversation flow. After you answered, ask "And you?" or "What about you?".

The fact that they asked you that particular question means they'll have no problem answering it themselves.

Really personal questions should be avoided unless you've known the person for a while and you and they are comfortable talking about personal things.

You can probably test the water by bringing up something personal about yourself and seeing if the person wants to know more and then turn the question around. That way they feel more comfortable sharing because you just shared.

Saying things like "Can I ask you a question?" is really weird. If you're someone that does that, please stop. I know a handful of people in real life that think it's acceptable.

For me personally, if someone asks me "Can I ask you something?", then I want to disappear into the nearest hole. It sets up an awkward situation for you and the other person.

Repeating again! Use your God-given intuition when asking questions.

If everything I mentioned so far and will still mention seems like general knowledge, know that it's not. Creating conversation flow was something I struggled with.

Someone told me once to turn the question around and I had no idea what they were talking about. Luckily it clicked afterward and I got better. Slowly, but surely.

4. Be Present

Being present means you're listening to the other person. Not just with your ears, but you're in tune with their emotional state and you're actively trying to decipher non-verbal cues etc.

It's again about intuition and these things should come naturally to us all. I always treat a person how I want to be treated.

If I think something will make me uncomfortable, then I won't put that person in the same position. I put myself in their shoes and in mine.

If you're good with empathy, this won't be a problem. From a young age, empathy can be taught.

You're not born with it. That's why you see bullying amongst children a lot because they have not developed or learned empathy yet.

Some grow up without the skill, unfortunately. That's why it's important to teach children to be kind to others and to make sure your actions reflect that too. Children are the best at mimicking those who raise them.

Empathy is also learned from your experiences. I think my empathy developed because of everything I've been through in my life and if I see something similar happening to someone else it's easy for me to put myself in their shoes.

Even though I was not good at verbal communication, I was good at observing others and trying to figure out what makes them tick.

I was born an introvert, my shyness came from not understanding myself and my empathy came from my experiences of being misunderstood.

It made me want to understand myself and others better. In the end, it was a good thing. Remember what I just said. The things that I thought were curses, were blessings in disguise.

Intuition works better if you know and trust yourself. Also be aware of your gut/intuition and your other inner voice.

The other inner voice comes from past experiences and how you labeled a certain type of person. For example, some people still treat me a certain way even though I'm completely different now.

They have not caught up yet. Sometimes I have to revert back to match how they see me. It just happens and I find it hard to control.

That's how I know they can't be part of my life. It's exhausting when people do that. It's a common occurrence when you change. You outgrow people.

They either need to catch up or you move on. Luckily most people in my life caught up. I've become close to them. We can actually have conversations now.

Know that outgrowing someone is not about you being better than them. It's about them treating you the same when your rules of how you want to be treated have changed.

Interests change as you change. If you notice you need to catch up with someone then it means you'll need to be present in their life.

Notice, listen and inquire about what they've been up to. No assumptions or judgments! Then you might as well go your separate ways.

5. Expand your Knowledge Base and Be Curious

I try to learn a lot about everything so that it's easy to talk about different things. If I'm clueless about a topic then I ask loads of questions.

That way it becomes a learning opportunity instead of an 'I don't have much in common with this person' situation. I'm always up for learning something new. Curiosity is an asset when having conversations.

6. Practice having conversations

I used to practice having conversations with people in my head. In front of a mirror too. Weird yes!

It helped me be more comfortable with the person because I actually spent hours talking to imaginary them. It's an effective way to improve your communication skills.

I don't do it often anymore because I've become more comfortable having conversations. But there are certain people that still bring on the nerves. Some people just have that ability to make other people around them nervous.

I was actually told once by someone that I make them nervous. Not really my problem. I try my best to be nice to everyone. That's all I can do.

The thing with nerves is that it's normal. Especially meeting someone for the first time. By meeting two it's better, by meeting three the nerves go away.

Depending on how much effort you actually put into getting to know the person of course. Yes, you. Not them.

At our core, every human is the same. Treat them like that then you'll be fine. Everyone is just trying their best to make the most out of life.

Practicing anything in your head is good when you're learning something new. The mind forms new links and to the mind, it's the same as doing something in real life.

7. Introvert Alert!

Being an introvert means I prefer alone time over time with other people. I won't go up to someone in real life and introduce myself. The fewer people I interact with the better.

Where some people feel bad that they don't have many friends or they're not popular, I don't have that problem anymore.

Sure, I had many friends throughout my life, but I always faded into the background. My friends shared my values. They liked the same things I liked.

I even had a bunch of extroverted friends. What surprised me most was that I could easily talk to them. Extroverts are all out there.

I noticed some of them brought out a more likable version of me. A funnier one. Weird, I thought.

That's how I realized that I have multiple sides to my personality and I can also easily adapt to someone's mood or behavior.

I'll never be an extrovert, but it was nice to know that I could borrow from them. Sounds strange what I just said, but there's no other way to describe it.

Only once I understood my introverted nature, I made peace with the fact that I'm never going to be the popular one.

Life happened and I had to basically start over and figure out how to function alone. There was no more "borrowing".

It was scary yes. Just me and my thoughts. You can't escape depression when that happens. I had to slowly crawl my way out of it.

Depression-free today for about a year and a half now. I keep wondering when it will come back. It just got up and left! Well, it was more complicated than that.

I understand how I function now. I'm not going to fit in everywhere and I refuse to force myself to fit. It's a relief once you embrace who and what you are. No need to try to change for others anymore. I can just be me.

Being an introvert is not a disease that needs curing. I'm actually blessed that I'm one. If you're an introvert, remember it's just part of who you are. The sooner you accept it, the better.

Everything is much easier that way. Even communicating. There is no need to impress anyone. It's a take me as I am, accept me this way or move on.

If you're a shy introvert then you can work on your shyness. You'll probably outgrow your shyness through life experiences.

If not, get to know yourself. Learn to love yourself. Stop comparing. No one is perfect. I'm definitely not.

At the same time you're hiding, you're missing an opportunity to show someone your awesomeness. Life is about sharing your gifts with the world. Don't deprive someone of whatever you can offer them.

8. Online Split Personality

It's no problem for me to be the first to introduce myself on social media though. I'll go say "Hi" and comment first. Compliment them if applicable and like their stuff. Then follow if it's something I'm interested in.

On social media, it's draining too, just like in real life. But unlike real life, I can actually control the situation better.

I gave myself breaks to recharge because I was too busy networking. I joined a lot of blogging groups and it felt like I was being pulled in a lot of different directions.

It's okay to take a break from networking, meeting new people and interacting with them. I love my blog, but it started to feel like a job.

It made me tired and took up too much time. It should be all about writing, but it's not. The breaks helped me refocus.

I've automated some of my tasks now. My schedule spreads my interactions out during the week so that it feels more organized.

I'm feeling more productive and at the same time, I'm not hating my blog for taking all my time and energy.

9. Be Kind

Say nice things or keep quiet. If you're into spreading hate, remember karma exists. Also remember the things you focus on the most is what you'll attract into your life.

The groups I've joined online and people I follow on social media only consists of positive people sharing their talent and inspiration.

I've made so many online friends and blog friends in the last few months. Brilliant, talented people. They make me better. They make this writing thing look easy when it's not. I'm so grateful for all their support.

When you want to grow your blog, following random people sometimes becomes a must. Mistakes were made and then unfollows were necessary.

If I see someone posting things I don't want to see, I unfollow them. It's easy! Just press the button.

I don't like swear words and pics of people that should be burned. If you're complaining there's nothing good about certain social media groups, then leave.

Find places that share your values and join them. Same with real life. Surround yourself with positive people. With people that encourage you. With people that inspire and motivate.

Their energy will rub off on you and you'll do the same to others. Do you know you're the average of the five people you hang out with the most? Think about it.

10. Stop Complaining

I used to complain a lot. Reason being that I was surrounded by chronic complainers at my old job.

Yes, it can force people to sympathize with you but at the end of the day, it's negative energy you're spreading.

My bestie is very straightforward. He tells me when I complain too much. I sometimes do it still, but I stop myself and think about what kind of energy I'm spreading. I don't want to be that person.

Luckily I have someone that pointed it out and I'm working on it. Everything about my blog and my social media presence is about spreading positiveness.

I wanted my blog to be a happy place. Someone can come here for a laugh or a dose of inspiration.

Complaining is normal, but don't let that be what you're known for. There should always be a balance.

Too positive is not good either. It will make you seem fake. Life is not all sunshine and roses. There are storms and pain too.

11. Smile and Laugh

I know some days it's hard to smile or laugh, but then again smiling and laughing tricks the brain into thinking you're happy and pumps you full of happy hormones. In short, it's not going to kill you if you smile at someone or laugh at their jokes.

Gosh! Go ahead and laugh at yourself too while you're at it. It's an act that spreads joy. I'm not a serious type of person.

Sure, a third of my blog covers more serious topics and I use my serious voice in there, but in general, I love to laugh a lot and be silly. Yes, I finally managed to access that side of me without needing to "borrow".

I laugh at myself often. It helps me not get too upset about something when I see it through "Oh, it's kinda funny!" glasses.

I smile at everyone I talk to. I'm very animated when I speak. My hands move a lot and my eyes go big or narrow.

I never knew until a friend pointed it out. But that's my speaking style. If you attempt to mimic me, then I'd know. You'll look completely insane.

I don't really care if someone doesn't take me seriously. If that's the case then that's their problem. I try my best to balance my different personality sides.

Yes, I can adjust to someone's level, but then their seriousness might rub off on me. That's also why I choose who I interact with. It's easy to pick up someone's mood.

12. Thank People and Give Back

Say thank you to people. A simple thank you is very important too. People want to feel appreciated for their effort. For going out of their way to assist you.

Return the favor if you can. That is how relationships are built. People supporting and helping each other. If you have someone's back, they will have yours.

Time to Go

I hoped that helped a bit and you enjoyed reading my communication skills tips. I know it was a long post, but I had a lot to say.

Some people were lucky enough to be natural communicators. For me, I had no choice but to learn something that was unnatural to me.

Even though I'm an introvert I still crave having conversations. I can actually talk non-stop sometimes. Random things just pop into my head and come out of my mouth.

I'm glad I got to a point in my life where I'm not afraid to speak. It felt like a prison and no one knew how to help me or understood why I was that way. Through research, observing others and practicing I got better.

If you're struggling or not sure how to communicate with people, remember it's not the end of the world. I got better at it and so can you. Like everything else in life, practice makes perfect.

Until next time
Goodbye.

PS: If you love my writing and want to show your support, just buy me a coffee paypal.me/lifeanddogstuff. Thank you! :-)

Pic credit: Pixabay free pics Renza edited.

Never miss a blog post by Joining the fluffy pack for updates. Please share if you think your friends will enjoy reading my How to Have Better Conversation Skills and Improve Communication post. Thank you! :-)

Having blogging confidence is essential if you want to make a success of your blog. My confidence took a knock for some reason recently and I'm not exactly sure why it happened.

Blogging is hard. Being active on social media is hard. You have to consistently produce content and hope people will like it.

Even though my blog views have increased in the last two months, I'm not gaining enough followers and not making any money.

Anger is something that we all have to deal with and most struggle with. Sometimes on a daily basis.

Anger management is important and I thought I'd share some good ways to release anger. Techniques that personally helped me.

The worst part is that the things that make us angry are mostly related to others and we can't control other people's actions. We only have control over our own reaction to whatever they're doing.

How to Change Negative Core Beliefs - Overcoming Limiting beliefs.

"I'm a failure", "I'm not good enough", "I'm all alone" and "No one will ever love me". Sounds familiar?

I bet we all believed at least one of those things about ourselves at some point in our lives. They are all negative core belief examples.

On my self-discovery journey, I researched solutions on how to change a negative core belief or thoughts.

How to Stop Being Miserable All The Time.

The day I decided I wanted to be happy was the beginning of endless possibilities. Yes, I made a choice!

I chose happiness even though I had no idea how to stop being miserable all the time. By choosing happiness I started to fight to feel better and I stopped being depressed.

This is my story of how I overcame depression and anxiety without medication or therapy. I'm grateful that I get to share my story with you and I hope that it will help anyone needing a little motivation to not give up. We all deserve to be happy.

Recently I've noticed a lot of bloggers writing these awesome letters to their younger selves. No this is not one of those.

I already did something similar in my getting older post. The idea made me think about something called inner child work. I tried this a year ago.

Our younger selves are still a part of us. We might have grown up and gotten older, but that does not mean that our other versions are gone.

The experiences we go through in our lives and what our younger selves felt became part of us.

It helps us to learn and be better next time. But sometimes we get stuck.

Our younger selves maybe had some sad moments and as we got older we held on to tight and never moved on.

What is Inner child work?

Inner child work is basically you going back and comforting that child(you) if they're sad and letting them know everything will be okay.

A clue to know if your inner child is unhappy is if current you are dealing with some emotional issues. You can do this as a meditation.

Inner child healing meditation

Find a quiet place. Make sure there are no distractions. Focus on your breathing. Imagine a beautiful garden or any peaceful place. In this place, there's a child. That child is you.

Introduce yourself to the child. Let them know who you are. Remember that's a younger you that still exists. So the child or you will talk back.

Yes, you're going to talk to yourself. It's not crazy. It's actually insightful. Especially if you have no idea who you really are.

Some people hide who they are. Even from themselves. I had no idea I had abandonment issues. Not a clue!

I thought that not having my parents around was normal. Getting raised by grandparents that had to raise my cousins at the same time and me fading into the background was normal.

Add the fact that I'm an introvert and that's a recipe for a really awful childhood.

It affected every relationship I ever had and every decision I made in my life and I had no idea until I actually started to look at why I was so unhappy.

I thought I grew up and that was my past, but it affected every aspect of my life. Everything! I found it hard to trust people, I was scared of everything, and I felt lonely most of my life.

The things that happen in our childhood lays the foundation for the rest of our lives.

Parents need to be aware of this. Don't think your child will just get over something. It stays with them. It stayed with all of us.

Make sure your child knows you love them and that you are there for them. In words and actions. Unfortunately, you can't protect your child from everything. They have their own path.

No matter how hard this life is, if you know there's someone that has your back then you can face anything.

If someone had my back when I was a child, then maybe I would have been a normal functioning adult. Instead, I have to now patch myself up. Piece by piece...

I'm not upset with my parents. That's water under the bridge. I understand why they couldn't be a big part of my life.

My mom and I have grown closer now that I've made more time for my family. My dad is somewhere on the planet.

He reached out a few years ago but I felt no connection to him. So he's not in my life. It was my choice. You can't miss something you never had. Anyway...

So there I was having a conversation with mini Renza and I told her about everything we've accomplished. That she should be strong and everything is not as bad as it seems.

We might be misfits but we will eventually learn to embrace that part of ourselves and it's ok to be different. People will leave us and that will become the theme of our life, but that's their loss and it's nothing we did.

I told her she will always have me. I will never abandon her. We cried together. We laughed. We hugged.

She felt much better and I watched as her sadness faded. That rippled into older me feeling better too about my past.

I wasn't completely healed at that time. This is not an easy fix. But I felt lighter. I felt hopeful. Like a floodgate opened. Something shifted and I knew I had more control over my reality than I thought.

You can go back as many times as you want. Hopefully, your current version is wiser and will impart some valuable knowledge.

While busy working on this post, I thought why not try to go back.

I stopped doing this exercise because I thought there was no need to. Luckily I was reminded of it while reading the blogger's letters to their younger selves.

I then went back and had a conversation with my inner child again. She had our two dogs with her and a smaller version of my best friend. She was happy.

She was concerned about losing everything. I didn't push the subject because I saw she wanted to retrieve and put up a wall.

It's normal to feel that way when you're happy after being sad for a long time. I just reminded her to enjoy this moment and not worry about the future.

She then showed me how much my puppy actually loves me and that I was not just a chew toy. That conversation improved my relationship with my new dog as well.

I was surprised that she could actually see that when I couldn't. She asked why I don't come around anymore. I told her I'm always here. We are one. She understood.

I find that when doing these exercises you have to be clear. It's like there's a disconnect between current you and your inner child.

You should not assume they know everything about what's going on in your life and also vice versa. Your mind might be hiding things from you.

All patched up and ready for anything!

Remember to be kind and empathetic to your inner child. Especially if they are afraid and don't trust easily.

There's a lot of guided meditations on inner child work on YouTube I've seen. Like with all self-help techniques, I advise you to do your own research on the subject.

Some people can only face themselves when they're ready. Your inner child represents your past.

It's a way to tap into the subconscious. A way to find self-acceptance for who you are. A lot of people find it hard to love and accept themselves.

You're going to have you for the rest of your life. It's important to love yourself and find your happiness. Healing your inner child will take you one step closer to finding peace.

This is my own experience. It is just one of many things I've tried to help heal myself emotionally. I was ready to face my past and deal with it. I knew that was the only way I'll get closer to being happy.

Until next time
Goodbye :-)

PS: If you love my writing and want to show your support, just buy me a coffee paypal.me/lifeanddogstuff. Thank you! ♥ :-)

Pic credit: Renza's pics. Pixabay pics Renza edited.

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Why is it Important to Respect People's Differences?

While thinking about relationships and the connections we form in our lives, I thought about the differences and similarities between people.

For someone like me that always thought of myself as separate from everyone else, it was important that I started noticing the similarities between me and others instead of always focusing on the things that made me different.

What Does True Beauty Mean - Defining Beautiful

We've all heard the saying “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. It answers the question, "What is beauty?".

I bet most of us have no idea what it really means. In simple terms, it means that one person might think something is beautiful and another will think the opposite.

That will make no sense to some of us because the media made us believe that beauty can only fit into one box.

Honestly, I had no idea what that saying meant until I stopped seeing beauty as something the media portrayed and started seeing it as so much more.

What is the meaning of true beauty?

For most of my life, I believed that I was not beautiful. I had really bad skin, too skinny, too short and a weird personality.

I think the main reason was that I look nothing like my family. The people that I’m closest to did not resemble me in any way.

No, I’m not adopted or swapped at birth. Well, I hope not! I just came into this world differently.

The one that never fits in anywhere. It took me almost my whole life to realize that different can also be beautiful.

Once I started believing that I was not the lost ugly duckling, my outside reality changed. I got more compliments suddenly.

I think it had to do with the fact that I felt more confident and people saw that. I guess confidence is also beautiful.

I still hate taking pics of myself, but I’m a work in progress and as long as I’m still working on slaying my demons, then I know I’ll be fine.

There are so many things that make a person beautiful. Someone that’s brave, strong or selfless is beautiful.

The person that always has kind words and a smile for others to brighten their day, is beautiful.

Someone that’s smart, creative and uses their minds to make this world better, is beautiful.

The ones that are different are the most beautiful because most of them had to try to fit into a box that was not made for them.

The list can go on and on, but of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and we all see beauty differently.

For those who keep comparing themselves to others…Stop! You are never going to be that person. Ever!

God did not make a mistake when he created you. The things that you see as your imperfections can be beautiful to someone else.

We all like different things. That’s a fact. The word ugly should not even exist. Erase it from your vocabulary.

Find the things that make you beautiful, while remembering beauty does not only exist on the outside but on the inside as well.

Accept the things you see as imperfections as part of what makes you, you. They make you special and different. Different is beautiful.

Who wants to be like everybody else anyway, right? Only once you love yourself, then the words of others and their judgment won’t hurt you anymore.

If someone insults you, then you can either choose to let it hurt you or you can say to yourself, “So what, that is not the only thing that defines me. I have so many other amazing qualities”.

Don’t be defined by one thing. You’re a combination of many wonderful things that make you unique and beautiful.

Reminding myself of the fact that I'm not just a face and a body, helped me see that beauty is so much more.

I consist of so many different things. I might not be perfect and that's ok. I no longer wish that I was someone else or think God made a mistake when he created me.

My hope for you is to see your beauty and to be confident so that others can see it too. I hope that you can find beauty in this world in places where you never thought it would exist.

Lastly, I hope that you will see the beauty in others by looking at everything they are and not just how they look on the outside.

Until next time,
Goodbye.

PS: If you love my writing and want to show your support, just buy me a coffee paypal.me/lifeanddogstuff. Thank you! ♥ :-)

Pic credit: Pixabay pic Renza edited.

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What Are The Five Different Love Languages

I'm no expert on the love topic, but I love researching things and finding out how things work. So of course when I wanted to know all about love, I came across the 5 love languages.

What are the five different love languages and why are they so important when it comes to love? Let's look at what I've learned and how it can help you.

Know that we all have a primary and secondary one. Here they are.

What are the 5 love languages?

1. Acts of service - Actions speaks louder than words.

2. Receiving gifts - It does not mean that this person is materialistic. They love thoughtful gifts that they can treasure.

3. Words of affirmation - Being complimented, hearing words like "I miss you" and being praised for something they did.

4. Physical touch - Giving hugs etc.

5. Quality time - Making time for someone and giving them your undivided attention.

Your love language is how you show love and how you expect others to show you, love, even if you're not aware of it. Most are not.

Just by looking at that list I knew acts of service was my primary and words of affirmation was my secondary love language. I took the love language test a year ago and it was confirmed.

I always felt awkward when people gave me gifts, hugged me or if they were always in my space. I love doing things for the people in my life and complimenting them.

So to my surprise, something changed. I took the test again yesterday, after a year has passed or maybe longer. Then the results showed that quality time was my primary love language and I scored equally on words of affirmation and acts of service.

I just stared at the results and thought no way. Introvert over here! Then I looked back at the past year and realized it's actually true.

Since I gave up my job I've had more time for the people in my life. Before, long conversations and spending time with my family was a no-no. I was always working, tired and in a permanent bad mood.

I've grown a lot closer to my family and I actually love spending quality time with them. That means these love language can shift, depending on the changes you go through in your life.

For example, a new mom will suddenly have acts of service as her primary love language because she is overwhelmed.

People speak different love languages and there can sometimes be a huge communication gap. I know who the gift givers and the huggers are in my life and because it's awkward for me, I don't hug them randomly or give them stuff.

They're probably thinking I don't care about them as much. My compliments and doing things for them are seen as just random things I do. Oh and not forgetting the quality time thing, that I'm still trying to process...

It can be really difficult to speak someone else's love language if it's something different to your own. Imagine how that conversation will go down with a family member if I tell them doing things for me and complimenting me are my love languages. They will think I drank crazy juice!

It's my thing and not theirs. It's hard for someone to grasp and to suddenly fall in line and speak your language.

In romantic relationships, it might be easier to let your significant other know this is how they should show you love and you need to know how to love them.

It's easier because there's more at stake and romantic love forms a bond that's like a drug and we'll do anything to keep it, so we'll fall in line.

You can even guess what someone in your life's love language is, by looking at what they do the most, what they complain that you don't do enough of or what they keep requesting you to do.

It will sound like, "You never buy me anything nice", or "Why don't you ever help me around the house" or "You're always working". Yes! They're crying out loud for you to show them love and it just sounds like they are complaining.

If you can't tell what your primary love language is just by looking at the list above, then you can take the test at the Love language quiz website. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote the book. Yep! There's a book or books. Here's the book link.

Remember just because someone prefers one language over the others does not mean you don't have to show love with the other four. It just means the primary one will be used a lot more than the others.

I hope you will apply these love languages to your relationships. I'm definitely going to try my best even if it's a bit awkward for me. It seems like common knowledge, but it's tricky because we all prefer different things.

Remember this applies to all your relationships. That includes relationships with your children, other family members, friends and your significant other.

It will make your relationships with the people in your life stronger. You'll feel much closer to them and understand each other better.

The bonds with the people in our lives are important. We should not take them for granted. No man is an island. We need others to help us through this life.

It is also important that you know how you are meant to be loved, some of us don't even know. We love and we give and give and we wonder why they don't love us back, but they just show it in their own way.

Until next time,
Goodbye.

PS: If you love my writing and want to show your support, just buy me a coffee paypal.me/lifeanddogstuff. Thank you! ♥ :-)

Pic credit: Pixabay pics Renza edited.

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10 Important Lessons I've Learned About Love

Love comes in so many different forms. The love for family, friends, God, pets and the one type of love that has eluded me almost my entire life...romantic love.

There are a few lessons I've learned about love and thought I'd share them even though I'm not an expert on the topic. But hey, who is?

I fell in love a few times in my life. Unfortunately, my experience with love will never make the pages of a romance novel.

Our words are more powerful than we can imagine. A compliment can make someone's day and a rude insult can make someone feel a lot of pain.

Yes, the power of words can be extremely effective in controlling how someone feels.

Growing up, I did not have the perfect childhood. I looked and acted differently. That left me open to a lot of teasing. I was an easy target.

It was only later on in my life when I became aware that we teach others how to treat us.

As I got older I wanted people to like me, so I was super nice to everyone and agreed with whatever they said and wanted.

That meant I had no voice of my own and people could just walk all over me.

They could say whatever they wanted to me because they thought it was okay. Why wouldn't they right? I never corrected them and said "No, that hurts me" or "No, you are wrong".

Finding my voice

One day, while watching TV I heard someone say, "Teach people how to treat you". That simple phrase made a huge difference in my life.

In its simplicity, it made so much sense. From that moment on I decided to teach people how to treat me.

Whenever somebody said or did something hurtful, I told them how it made me feel. I no longer agreed with whatever someone said or did just because I was afraid of that person not liking me anymore.

I finally found my voice and became more assertive. Some people, unfortunately, don't like when you challenge them. Others are more open to change.

I learned that you can't really change people. Don't even try. That's an uphill battle you're never going to win.

Speak up when someone treats you badly

If someone is not treating you the way you are meant to be treated, then you need to tell them. Speak up!

They either need to adjust and realize they are treating you badly or you need to distance yourself from them and surround yourself with people that respect you.

How others treat you is a reflection of them. But also the things you allowed. Take control. Demand respect!

The funny thing is some people have no idea that they are hurting you. They think their words and actions are normal. I'll admit I'm guilty of that sometimes too.

I would say something and not even realize that I'm hurting that person. But it's something that can easily be fixed if you get to know someone better.

Setting boundaries on how people treat you

People are not mind-readers. You need to tell them what you don't like. We all have boundaries. Limitations or a line we expect people not to cross. Let people know when they have gone too far.

Yes, sometimes it can be good to hear something that you can work on to improve yourself, but if it's turned into a shame game then its wrong.

We all move at our own pace through this life. People need positive reinforcement, not negative.

This is also how most relationships are damaged. Sometimes people have no idea how to communicate with each other.

They don't tell the other person when they have crossed a line because they are scared of losing them.

They quietly resent that person and all along the other person is clueless about what's going on. It's okay to let them know.

If someone truly loves you they'll do what makes you happy. They may surprise you and your relationship with that person might change for the better.

Think before you speak

We need to stop and think before we comment on someone’s appearance or anything that might seem personal. One person might be okay with it, another not.

People want to be complimented and feel like they belong. They want to be heard and understood.

Go and give someone a compliment today. Tell someone they look nice or that they have done a great job.

Focus on their good qualities and let them know how awesome you think they are. Remember your words are powerful.

Use them to teach people how to treat you and treat people the way you want to be treated.

Until next time,
Goodbye.

PS: If you love my writing and want to show your support, just buy me a coffee
paypal.me/lifeanddogstuff. Thank you! ♥ :-)

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"Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over" - Guy Finley

One of the hardest things a person can do in this life is letting go and moving on. We are so comfortable with our routines and forgetting the past and moving forward is hard because we hate change.

I hate change, but there comes a time in our lives when we need to move on and let go.

If you have good things in your life, hold on to them no matter what. Always move in the direction of things that feels good and makes you happy. That 's how you know you're on the right path.

The day I decided I wanted to be happy was the greatest day of my life. Yes, I made a choice.

I promised myself I would never ever get stuck in a situation that makes me miserable and sad again.

We are in charge of our own lives and happiness. Don’t wait for the right time or that perfect moment. You’re the only one that can create those moments.

We tend to stay and be brave in situations that make us miserable. “Oh, it's not so bad”, you tell yourself or “This is how life should be”.

Reality check. No! Life should not be full of pain. Yes, we feel pain when someone we love passes on or we lose something that’s dear to us.

Unfortunately, we can’t control those things, but there are plenty of things you can control.

What in your life is making you miserable? Is it a job that you hate or a relationship that makes you unhappy or you have bad habits that are affecting your health or hurting those you love.

Change is hard. I resigned from my job two years ago. I was miserable the entire nine years I worked there. I thought life was supposed to be like that. Hard. It was not easy leaving.

It was the hardest thing I had to do because it was a big part of my life. I had my comfortable routine, a career that I hated but it was my way of contributing to society. Everyone expected me to have a plan for my so-called new life.

I was just relieved that I finally let go, but extremely sad because it was over. I had to give up a relationship and friends.

Everything that was linked to whatever made me sad. The relationship was easy to let go of once I decided that I needed to have people in my life that make me happy.

The friends I could have kept, but once you change, it's hard to maintain friendships with people in your old life. When everything was said and done, I felt lost.

I lived in between what was and what will be. In Limbo. I had to start over. I had to find out what I wanted out of this life. No, it was not easy.

That’s why we stay even though we are miserable because we hate starting over. I stayed too long and missed out on a lot.

Years of my life I can never get back. It felt like I was fast asleep and suddenly I woke up.

If you’re still asleep, Wake up! Go be happy! This life waits for no one. Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed and wondering…What if? By then it’s too late.

When one door closes another door opens. Yes, it's sad letting go and moving on, but that sadness is brief. A month after I decided to change my life, when I finally woke up, I met my best friend.

He's my mirror. I've never met someone that I felt an instant connection with and that I don't have to explain myself to.

He just understood that this is who I am because we are the same. I’m the one that no one understands and yet I found someone that understands me, motivates and inspires me.

He’s crazy about Buffy and helped me when I had difficulties bonding with my dog. He helped me through limbo.

I would never have met my best friend if I was still stuck in my old life. Luckily I woke up and found two best friends. A human one and a furry one.

My dog Buffy was the biggest surprise. He has been our dog for 8 years and I never cared much for dogs. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and hating everything.

Then he did the unthinkable. He gave me hope. He almost died, survived and made me believe in second chances.

I went from not caring, depressed and alone to being someone that believes in miracles. He helped me see how beautiful life can be and that I just have to reach for it.

God sends us the right people when we need them the most. Know that you’re not alone. Your family and friends are there to help you if you have difficulty letting go. Just ask for help, but also learn to be independent.

We need motivators and supporters in our lives to help us stand on our own two feet. People will carry you for only so long. Remember you’re in charge of your own life, no one else is.

Change might be difficult and hard, but if it allows you to move on from whatever is making you miserable, then it can’t be that bad. Today I’m happier than I’ve been in a very long time.

I had time to work on myself. To decide what I wanted and got rid of everything unwanted. I can finally breathe.

Decide what makes you happy and what makes you sad. Letting go of the pain in your life will take you closer to happiness. When you look back in a few years from now, it will be the best thing you ever did.

Until next time,
Goodbye.

PS: If you love my writing and want to show your support, just buy me a coffee
paypal.me/lifeanddogstuff. Thank you! ♥ :-)

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Recently I lost my grandma. I wrote a short tribute to her on the blog the other day if anyone wants to read it. Today I thought I'd write about my experience with grief.

Writing has always made me feel better or helped me make sense of what I'm feeling.

Lately, I've been struggling to write. I tried really hard, but the words refused to flow. I thought of different topics, started writing and got stuck as I was thinking of ideas and my next sentence.

Then I remembered I've always written about things I'm experiencing currently and I was avoiding writing about what I'm feeling right now for fear that my readers would not want to hear about something so sad.

But I had to write about my grief in order to make room for whatever I'm going to create next. Releasing and sharing it might help me get unstuck.

Death is a part of life. One day we all will have that experience. It's not something people love to talk about. We'd rather avoid the subject. Me too.

No one wants to think about losing a loved one or dying and yet it's something that will happen and is happening all around us.

My granny passed away on new year's day. She was someone that always wanted to leave her mark wherever she went.

At her funeral, so many came to pay their respects and to say their final goodbyes. People were standing outside because the church was too full.

There were extra chairs down the long isles, but it was not enough for all the people whose lives she touched. Even my grandpa who is 94 years old now, keeps saying he never experienced such a beautiful, massive funeral in all his life.

They came to say farewell to someone that they felt a deep connection with. A very wise, strong, funny and straightforward person that always had advice or lessons to pass on. Someone that made them better.

Everyone that spoke had tons of stories about her and we celebrated her life. It was beautiful. I was so proud of her and everything she left behind.

When I saw her in her casket, I cried uncontrollably. I was there the moment she passed, I said my tearful goodbyes, then I was fine.

She was free from suffering. Of pain. She's in heaven with God. I cried when I was alone at night but during the day I was talking and laughing. Talking about her.

About what she would've done now. I lived with her my whole life so I knew her. What she liked and disliked. Her responses to certain things. I was able to talk about her life.

My family was here every day. Arranging things. I wormed my way into the planning of the funeral. My one aunt said I had good ideas and suddenly I was allowed to plan with them.

Those involved with planning worked well together without fighting. One took lead and everyone gave their ideas and opinions. If someone did not agree then the pros and cons were discussed. In the end, everything went smoothly.

Some family members not involved were unhappy about silly unimportant details. Fights broke out about things that didn't matter. This is where the dark side of grief starts to creep in. Masked behind disagreements.

Unfortunately, the dark side of grief has to be there. The what ifs and the blaming and the anger and the guild. They all request a place when death is involved.

I'm a natural observer. It allows me to study people and their behavior. To step back and look for reasons why they act the way they do, instead of getting sucked into whatever trip their mind is taking them on. Grief makes people insane.

If you look at the emotional scale, anger is a better feeling emotion than sadness. I saw a lot of people reaching for anger.

That fire that comes from anger makes you feel like you still have some fight left. It's better than feeling the emptiness. The loss. The sadness is too painful.

I found myself also reaching for anger, but because I check myself mentally I realized it's not going to benefit me in the long run.

And now I'm here. Left with the emptiness. The what more could I have done thoughts. She was 91 and I wanted her to stay with me forever. That's a selfish thought.

Everyone's physical journey has to end at some point. No matter what age. This life is temporary and we can't live forever.

She's free now and I have to let her be free. Her body could no longer contain her soul. It was God's will. I need to accept it.

I still talk to her every day. Last week I stopped talking to her. Not on purpose. My mind was occupied by something I can't remember now.

That's when I felt the overwhelming sadness. The pain hurt so much it felt like I was breaking into a million pieces.

I couldn't understand why, because I was fine the day before. Then I realized I stopped saying good morning and goodnight to her.

Or telling her about what's going on with the family, if grandpa was doing ok, about my experience running the house without her or how I'm feeling.

She's physically not here anymore, but I could feel her presence. It felt comforting. It made me feel ok.

Then I stopped talking to her and I was not ok anymore. I kept wishing she was still with me and I couldn't understand why she left.

Forgetting she'll always be with me. The moment I forgot, was the moment I felt the overwhelming sadness.

She taught me so many things. Lessons I'll never forget. She's part of me. I'm here today because of her.

I see her in her children and all the grandchildren and great-grandchildren she helped raise. Her presence is all around me and with me. I have to remind myself not to forget.

I wish there was a fast-forward button to this emotional rollercoaster I'm on right now, but there is none. All I can do now is adjust to this new reality.

One less plate to set, not having her to run to when I need comfort, feel ill or share silly jokes with. For some wise words or whatever magic she had to make everything ok. Empty chair and an empty bed.

I folded the laundry and noticed her clothes aren't there anymore. So many little things to adjust to. There's too much quiet without her. This house feels empty.

I put a picture of her in my room and it made me feel better. I talked to her again and I felt better. It's far better than reaching for anger or drowning in the sadness. I can just reach for her when I feel the emptiness.

The new normal will take some time to get used to. Writing makes me feel better. It helped me figure out what triggers the overwhelming sadness.

Say all the things you want to say to your loved ones while they're still alive. Do all you have to do for them while you still can.

Everyone will have a different grief experience. I saw first hand what regret and guild do to people. It's an ugly sight. Don't be one of those people that realized it's too late.

I wish strength to those taking care of an ill, frail loved one. Not everyone knows how strong you have to be mentally and sometimes physically. Ask for help whenever you feel overwhelmed.

To those who lost a loved one, I hope you'll find your peace and honor their memory by celebrating their life and continuing to live yours. That's what they would have wanted.

Love to you all
Until next time,
Goodbye.

Pic credit: Pixabay image edited by Renza.

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